I miss everything about Dumaguete. At first I thought I'd be really happy to be with good ol civilization again but now I just miss the unpredictable weather back there. The smell of burning wood, the wooden stairs and the people. I feel like I belong there, my heart longs to be in a simple place like Pinanlayaan.

       I miss how Judy and I would wait for each other beside the door when we take turns showering or when we shower together while laughing our hearts out of disgust for the small, dark and creepy bathroom. How we'd eat every three hours, how I belt songs for my father while he plays the guitar. How my little niece Jaira would look for us, calling "Anteeee." And how my grandma, Lola Masing, would try to start a conversation by asking a question in Visaya and I'd nod my and say "opo" because I don't understand a word she's saying.

         Right now I just feel really heartbroken, I hope my father doesn't feel the same way. Maybe I'm feeling really down because he is too. Why does bad things happen? It's so hard but it's nobody's fault. It's hard to talk about it because one way or another you'll end up hurting either of your parents even though you never intend to. It's hard to open up to anyone in my family because I'm the only one who feels this way for my father. Nobody cares for him the way I do. Nobody longs for a simple provincial life. I'm not saying I'm not satisfied with my life right now, I'm well aware of how blessed I am. I'm infinitely grateful for that but there's this part of me that wants to be with my other parent and his family too. I feel like it's wrong to feel this way for them, I hope I could be with them anytime I want without giving wrong impressions to my mother.

I wish Dumaguete is an hour bus ride away... =( I really do