January 5,2005 Mood: A little hurt

Song: A little Bit by MYMP

My Boo,

Yesterday Francis and I broke up. But before that I'll have a little recap on the 3rd of January. So as I said I have to clean my room and I did! After that we went shopping. Bought pack of envelopes for my package for Mia which I haven't mailed yet... Poor girl. I bought a Bubble Gum lotion from Body Bar a little expensive but worth it. A very very very fabulous tube top! WOW! Look at the photo! And I also bought 2 ball pen with a little monkey stuff toy on the top for me and Francis as a 2nd Monthsary gift. Mom bought a cute black slacks, cute polo, and a pair of pointed sandals. I was really happy. Next morning I woke up at almost 11AM! It's really hard for me to sleep nowadays.

I went to school that afternoon. And then I found out, through Tracie, that Francis has lost his feelings for me. Because he doesn't feel I love him or I care for him. He said our relationship was “cold.” And the hard part was he wanted us to broke up because he loves someone else. Well maybe I can't call my feelings for JUN2 as love... But anyway Tracie told him that I admire Jun. Francis said he knew, and it was a little obvious. I wanted to know who the girl was, I guessed that it was Kyrene the girl he courted for sorta long time. Tracie laughed and said no, never. She gave a clue that it's one of our classmates, it hit me. I tried Jammie, and Ruth or Lavanilyn. I tried Clare, and Jevvy and Alex. I even tried Tracie... I never wanted to try Bhelle because I knew they think she's disgusting, I knew he thinks she's so not a girl of any boy's dream! And then I said WHO?! Tracie never wanted to spill, I asked her over and over. Until she gave in and said it was Bhelle. I laughed and said NO WAY. She repeated and it struck me, all this time? Tracie added that Francis knew he has feelings for Bhelle before and cleared it on his Birthday... That was September 16... I broke up with my ex boyfriend on the 26th of October just because I love him. And we became ON 31st of October. And all this time he likes Bhelle? All those time I thought he thinks she's disgusting and super yuck? Gosh, he never mentioned. He never said a word about it, that's why he kept on giving up easily on me, because he doesn't love me that much. That's why he doesn't put much effort on our relationship 'cause he doesn't have that feeling called LOVE. It was like he used me to forget or deny he likes Bhelle? Gosh that's the most painful part. All those flirtations with her that I thought he was just riding along, that I thought never meant anything for him. All those time Tracie reports to me what they do when I'm not around, I thought it was all nothing because I know Bhelle is a bitch and Francis would never like her. All those times? He likes that bitch?

F*ck, all of my friends and even his friends are on my side. All of them say I'm 10 times better than her. All of them say I'm way way prettier than her. Sexier not to mention, and I wear clothes better. Million times better I tell you. She's such a fashion freak. Super ewww taste. Wait until Martin hears about this and his off. Tracie was super mad and disgusted. His friends were laughing and making me feel it's not worth it comparing me to her. And my best friend Jun was super angry. He was super sweet and comforted me all the way. I was like “He used me to deny he likes Bhelle? He replaced me to that Bhelle?” And Jun was all “He did that? To my best friend? My best friend who's super beautiful? To that Bhelle who isn't in your level at all?” And all those nice stuff that made me forget about the pain. And every one says Francis is so dumb, so stupid and such a fool for doing that. He always tells me and his friends he doesn't feel my love? Oh no you dont! Because your looking at her. You love her and you don't appreciate my effort. You don't feel it because you don't want to feel it because you love that fat, bitch, cheap girl!

Man are some guys dumb... Jun said that the saying LOVE IS BLIND is not true at all. He said that OTHER PEOPLE FAILS TO SEE THE GOOD PART OF THE ONE YOU LOVE, good part? Where is the good part of that slut? Gosh, I know all in all it's like I'm super jealous... All in all it's like I'm so hurt and am still loving Francis. But guess what, I don't I just wrote down my opinion, their opinion and everyone's opinion! Damn! Me being used because of a girl like Bhelle? F*ck that is plain crap!

Christian comforted me today. All those sweet and nice words. We are now together, well just like TRIP, it's just pretend girlfriend boyfriend relationship. But I feel he admires me too, even before he sometimes shows he has feelings for me. Of course I do to! Who wouldn't his super hot and cute and many girls in our campus likes him. His such a campus crush. And I agreed just so when I'm asked if I'm jealous if ever Francis and Bhelle we'll be together I can proudly say I HAVE A NEW, BETTER, MORE GOOD LOOKING BOYFRIEND YOU KNOW! Haha. His my third boyfriend, see my beauty attracts even the hearthrob of our school! Can't Francis see what he just threw and gave away? A pretty girl inside and out... Yeah I know I'm over complementing my self but hey I don't say this to anyone. Gosh how I feel better now that we're off. Anyway my only regret is being fooled by what I felt for Francis. I thought I really love him and whatever he feels for me I don't care. I shouldn't have let my self be stupid, I should have asked questions and clarifications for everything. You know what?! He regrets that I became his girl friend and that's what I regret too... He said our friendship before is never coming back because of what happened. He should have told me so I can stop this feeling! This foolishness! Damn! I even told him if he told me before I could have been their bridge of love! Shit! But he didn't he preferred using me... Hurting me...

Anyway this is way too long, and I think Jun2 is really falling for me. I'm gonna write down his letter for me... It's really sweet. But I want us to be just be best friends. I like this. I like being so comfortable with him, I like it so much. And I wouldn't waste it because I have feelings for him. No way, not anymore I'm wiser... I regret being in a relationship with my ex boyfriend because maybe if we weren't together before and broke up maybe we would be much much closer best friends... I lost a very good friend. And I am proud to say, I lost a friend, a funny very loving and sweet friend named RJ. I lost 2 guys,,, I like my friendship with RJ and FRANCIS before, Francis and I call each other best friend before. But now just like with RJ we are ignoring each other. Because we broke up. And I hate that, I lost another one of a kind friend... And I hate it. So now that I know my mistakes, I'm never gonna risk Jun and I's friendship to another level called relationship that will surely ruin everything... Just like the way it ruined RJ's, Francis', and my friendship... I so regret that. So much... Wanting everything to a more complicated matter... How stupid was that huh?

Anyway as for Tracie I think she's inlove with Francis now. And she's hurt with all these situation... I'm hurt too... Hugs&Kisses*nadz